Bob Hollis ’24
As a procrastinator, I stay up late doing my work. Normally this isn’t much of an issue.
I plan out my night so all my online work is done before the ever-approaching judge, jury, and executioner – the clock! – striking 12:00 am. Those next fifteen minutes are filled with a flurry of frantic typing, clicking, and submitting as the clock counts down to the dreaded numbers: 12:15. To me, those numbers symbolize misfortune… like the thirteenth floor on a hotel elevator. Those numbers, those loathsome numbers symbolize the end of wi-fi for the day. Now, let’s just play around with hypotheticals for a moment. I procrastinated terribly tonight, and guess what?! I still have half an essay to write, twenty minutes of Membean, and then one video and one problem set for algebra. What protocol is there to follow from there? Now, obviously, the first thing you would say is to turn on offline mode on Google Docs so that I can write that essay. Here, let me think ahead! Before the Wi-Fi turns off, let me click on the file button on my Google document so I can turn on offline mode and – what?! You’re telling me that my Google account is managed by an administrator?! The administration (Mercersburg Academy) is not only shutting off my wi-fi at 12:15 but it is now preventing my forward-thinking, genius, and ingenuity. Do not worry though, for I am a hard-working little lad, so I shall use my ceaseless devotion and find other ways around this system (some might call it a mighty task). To write this essay, I am going to copy and paste all my previous work into a document on my personal Gmail. This works. There is no snarky comment here. This truly is just how you have to write essays without wi-fi. Okay, the essay is done! Yeah, go you! Time to do my Membe- oh wait, no wi-fi. I cannot do Membean. There is no offline mode. Do your Membean before the clock strikes 12:15 and the carriage turns back into a pumpkin. Is there a reason for this restriction? Are we afraid of gamers gaming all night? We know that the wi-fi can be blocked for certain things so why not block it for entertainment past midnight, but let homework be done? Or is this all supposed to be a sort of lesson to the students? Perhaps, in the end, it is Mercersburg’s never ending quest for an iron fist over student resources (it’s wi-fi… wi-fi is the student resource).
Thank you for reading this piece… written at 1:18 AM… on a hotspot… provided by Verizon Wireless.